Ripshit vs. c martin (3-0) KO

[RipShit]

Ok... you wanted this, so now you have it...

Heres the rules you posted:

20 lines
1 verse
i go first (c.martin)
5 vote KO

so now i guess ill just wait for you to write your verse

[c martin]

uzi's jacuzzis suzukis//
u get blown away/ with my ak by the bay there u lay o im sorry what u say?//
this kid ripshits more like a dibshit cant get no bitches//
he cant get no gold and riches//
u fuckin look like a fuckin joke breathin all tha chronic smoke and snortin all the new white coke after ur body gets soked in ur blood as u get choked//
and u try to challenge me hey bitch step into reality not u and bad newses gay fantasies//
u gotta listen as i put u in a submisson u ant have no vishions cant be wishin nuthin cuz u challenge me and get a slap in the face as i go in my car and turn up the bass u get 911 for this little case//

u dont need stucure

thats not part of this battle

[RipShit]

Ima be honest, i dont know what to do this time/
Do i come hard or should i sing a fuckin nursery rhyme?/
cause what, you be 4, 5, 6 years old?/
your balls havent dropped, why you actin so bold?/
murder in the 313 was a joke, all us grown folk spoke/
had you changin your story, you fuckin worthless like burnt coke/
I didnt wanna provoke a battle, but you shook your baby rattle at me/
learn some respect c., before i take my hand across your face/
you a disgrace, like sosa when he corked his bat/
you like bin ladin in combat, hide under your sheets/
yousa amatuer, and you fuckin with the elite/
admit complete defeat, you nothin c.martin/
you the next little child on the fuckin milk carton/
you runnin scared, im the reason you afraid of the dark/
yousa small meal to me, im a great white shark/
chomp, one bite, yousa ripple mark....

[RipShit]

heres the links to battles ive voted on:

http://forum.eminem.net/showthread.php?p=46014#post46014
http://forum.eminem.net/showthread.php?t=3795

[madchild]

THANKS FOR DROPPING LINKS. STILL WAITING ON C MARTIN'S LINKS.

Bar-by-Bar Breakdown:

c martin

uzi's jacuzzis suzukis//
u get blown away/
with my ak by the bay there u lay o im sorry what u say?//

Really bad intro. What's the point of saying "jacuzzis suzukis"? Structure, syllables, consistent is way off.

this kid ripshits more like a dibshit cant get no bitches//
he cant get no gold and riches//

Your bar structures are pretty off on everything I've read so far. You should have between 12-20 syllables per line, if you want good flow. If you're going for pure punches and wordplay, then I can understand not worrying so much about structure, but you haven't shown either.

u fuckin look like a fuckin joke breathin all tha chronic smoke and snortin all the new white coke after ur body gets soked in ur blood as u get choked//

You need to diss them more or use personals. Play off your opponents name, if you haven't seen them spit before or you don't feel like researching them.

and u try to challenge me hey bitch step into reality not u and bad newses gay fantasies//

This is an incoherent bar.

u gotta listen as i put u in a submisson u ant have no vishions cant be wishin nuthin cuz u challenge me and get a slap in the face as i go in my car and turn up the bass u get 911 for this little case//

How you're trying to get your message across is not really working. To do so, try using metaphors.


Even though you say, don't worry about structure. Structure and consistency is really important in about. It can really wreck the flow and punches of bars if they drag on and on. You need to start getting more personal and if you can't, you need to work on disses and metaphors/multies.

Score: 3/10


Ripshit

Ima be honest, i dont know what to do this time/
Do i come hard or should i sing a fuckin nursery rhyme?/

Pretty good introduction.

cause what, you be 4, 5, 6 years old?/
your balls havent dropped, why you actin so bold?/

Not bad at all, getting a little personal with this kids young age.

murder in the 313 was a joke, all us grown folk spoke/
had you changin your story, you fuckin worthless like burnt coke/

First line was pretty good and personal. The secondly lines was kinda "anhh", the burnt coke reference wasn't all that great. You should of tried to make a multie from grown~folk~spoke.

I didnt wanna provoke a battle, but you shook your baby rattle at me/
learn some respect c., before i take my hand across your face/

Could have been better. me and face doesn't rhyme to start. You had something good going and lost it in the second line.

you a disgrace, like sosa when he corked his bat/
you like bin ladin in combat, hide under your sheets/
yousa amatuer, and you fuckin with the elite/

First line was good again and second line was actually good too, but they don't rhyme. You should of tried to reword the sentence to rhyme. You made a complete bar out of the bat line, since you shouldn't have 3 lines for a bar. It wrecks the flow of things.


admit complete defeat, you nothin c.martin/
you the next little child on the fuckin milk carton/

Haha, awesome bar and second line. Made me laugh.

you runnin scared, im the reason you afraid of the dark/
yousa small meal to me, im a great white shark/
chomp, one bite, yousa ripple mark....

Not bad closer. You should of tried to work it all into a consistent one bar though.

You had really good structure and from what I saw in this spit, really good potential to be a great battler. Just try to use 2 lines for a bar and work a bit on flow. Maybe mess around with multies and harder punches. Great personals though.

I'll give you a score of 8/10, which is pretty good from me.

Vote: RIP>SHIT

[RipShit]

Thanks for the vote.

Im up 1-0

[TfLaMeZ]

Consistency/Structure: ripshit
creativity: ripshit
Enjoyable: ripshit
Flow: ripshit
Metaphors: none
Multies: tie
Personal: none
Punches: ripshit
Vocabulary: none
Wordplay: none
Overall: RIPSHIT

both could have been a lot better, C. martin did pretty good for a change, Some of his lines came across strong, but it could have been a lot better. Ripshit, you lived up to your name, not only did you rip him, you flipped every line on him. which i liked, and your disses and structure were really good.

[RipShit]

Thanks man, 2-0 me

[Kruxx]

Structure: RipShit
creativity: RipShit
Enjoyablity: C Martin coz it was fookin hilarious reading that.
Flow: Rippaaa
Metaphors: urm...yeah w/e
Multies: I aint gon' count em but they both had em so yeah...
Personal: Rippaaaaaaaaa
Punches: The man Rippa again
Vocabulary: Rippa, C Martin was just bleh
Wordplay: urm...didnt see none

Final Vote goes to RipShit

[madchild]

CLOSED Ripshit wins by KO (3-0).